Young women are having difficulty accessing tubal ligation, despite it being a relatively safe (death rate is 1-2 per 100,000) and elective surgery.
There is a waiting period of 30 days for women seeking tubal ligation, yet no waiting period for men seeking vasectomies.
Young women are often discriminated against when seeking sterilization. Many doctors ask offensive questions (“What if you met a billionaire who wanted to have kids with you?”), state categorically that their patients are too young to consider the surgery, and generally act as though, as one woman who tried unsuccessfully to be sterilized at the age of 21 in the U.K. put it, ”just because I was a woman, I’d reach a point where an urge to breed would overcome all rational thought.” (Perhaps unsurprisingly, that woman’s 25-year-old husband faced no such presumptions when he asked his doctor for a vasectomy. The procedure was quickly approved.)
Say that at 18 I slap down enough money so I could have my whole body covered head-to-toe in tattoos, piercings all over myself, a mountain of cigarettes, plastic surgery, and plan to have like 20 babies… but if I try at all to safely make it impossible for me to breed for the sake of my health suddenly its like WOAH THERE SLOW DOWN MISSY YOU’RE NOT READY FOR THIS KIND OF COMMITMENT YET
I have stage III Endometriosis, which means I have to get my uterus removed because I literally have terrible cramps ALL THE TIME and not just when I’m on my period. Now, I’ve always said I don’t want any children for personal reasons and I don’t need my uterus, really. I am not worried about that surgery and I don’t feel any kind of nostalgia over an organ I won’t ever use.
The thing is, my doctor is a ‘man’. This ‘man’ told me I had to get pregnant right now before it’s too late. I told him I didn’t want to get pregnant and explained the multiple reasons but what, do you ask, did my doctor have to say about this? 'Well, better have a kid now because just imagine how depressing it must be being a thirty-something woman without children and a husband?'
I was diagnosed a year ago. I should have gone through surgery six months ago and I still can’t find a doctor that will perform the surgery without trying to force me to have children first. Basically, if you’re a woman you don’t have a say in what can and cannot be done to your body without a shitload of people getting in the way AND I’M FUCKING SICK OF IT.
Women are getting non-consensually sterilized in prison but no doctors in my area while tie my tubes at 24 because I might regret it? Fuck you, doctors. I have more purpose in life than dropping babies. Some of those women in prison are probably great moms and I have no interest in parenting. Let us have a say!
A dear friend of mine wanted to have her tubes tied. She was about to give birth to twins and the doctors wouldn’t consent because she wasn’t 21 yet. She had already had children and they still refused to let her have the procedure.
My friend got a vasectomy a week after asking his doctor for one, no problem. He was 25.
Me? I’ve asked 4 different doctors for some kind of permanent sterilisation—tubal ligation or Essure or whatever—and I get a pat on the head and a “You’d regret it if you did.”
Oh, DIDN’T REALIZE YOU HAD A DIRECT LINE TO MY BRAIN.
On the flip side, as a vagina-having person who had her tubes tied at the age of 26 (after having 4 children, however):
MY HUSBAND HAD TO SIGN A CONSENT FORM IN ORDER FOR ME TO HAVE THE PROCEDURE DONE.
How many times have we heard stories about husbands having vasectomies behind their wives backs and never telling them, letting those wives wallow in guilt and misery, thinking it’s their fault that they can’t get pregnant?
And yet I had had to get my husband’s permission to have my tubes tied.
(Obviously this was a decision we’d talked about extensively beforehand, so it’s not like he was about to say no, but we both couldn’t believe the fucking audacity of the hospital, asking HIS permission for ME to do something with MY body. In fact, he said as much to the nurse that brought in the forms.)
This is fucked up. Your body is no one’s business but your own. Even if there’s no law against young sterilization, women still suffer just from societal expectations, which influence doctors who are unable to be objective. People think they’re being caring but are actually just afraid of anything that goes outside of their preconceived notions of what people should do with their lives.
I knew it was apparently really hard to get your tubes tied but I’d never thought it was that easy for men to have vasectomies. My best friend wants to have her tubes tied so we looked into it only to find that it would be like pulling teeth with tweezers at her age.
We live in a society that’s sexist in ways it doesn’t understand. One of the consequences is that men are extremely sensitive to being criticized by women. I think it threatens them in a very primal way, and male privilege makes them feel free to lash out.
This is why women are socialized to carefully dance around these issues, disagreeing with men in an extremely gentle manner. Not because women are nicer creatures than men. But because our very survival can depend on it.”
The whole article sadly hits very close to home.
notice that romney talked about wives at home while their husbands are at war
and obama just said “military spouses”.
micro leads to macro, that inclusion, even in language, is important
- No one: So how do you balance being a father and a husband with being an athlete?
But seriously…it’s bad.
What do you think street harassment is about? Sex? Benign flattery? Attraction? Women who can’t just suck it up and deal?
It’s power. Catcalls, sexist comments, public masturbation, groping, stalking and assault: gender-based street harassment makes public places unfriendly, frightening and dangerous for many girls, women, and LGBQT people.
It’s power to control public spaces. Power to alter paths. Power to shame, scare and intimidate. Power to define what is safe and what is not. It’s the power to say: “I’m entitled to touch you, comment on your body, coerce you to smile, control your movement.” Even when women perceive catcalls as flattering, they are nonetheless aware that it’s an unpredictable degree away from possible harm. ”
If dudes were genuinely concerned about ‘being trapped by a woman getting pregnant’, they have within their means a fairly reliable way to stop it, use a fucking condom. Getting dudes to wear condoms is like trying to take the cat to the vet, it’s kicking and screaming all the way. ”
While everyone was praising Nas for his ‘Daughters’ track, I was underwhelmed and perplexed at how his lyrics could be interpreted as “positive.” I see no positive message in reinforcing a culture that elects to put “extra” (read: locked up in a tower Rapunzel style) parenting on their daughters but not the same for their sons. If we spent more time raising our sons with same ‘caution’ we do our daughters, we’d have nothing to fear. THIS convo would not be happening. Granted, women face more danger, I don’t care who agrees with that or not. We do. Danger inflicted on us by men. Yes. So wouldn’t it make more sense to…oh, raise better men? Just an idea…In the same way your daughter can get pregnant, your son can get someone pregnant. In the same way your daughter can be violated, your son can be too. Or worse, he can be the one perpetuating that violence. Someone has to be “those predators” right? They are someone’s son. It could be your son. But no one wants to preach “don’t rape” we’re in the habit of putting the sole responsibility on the ones we were originally in the business of protecting. “Don’t GET raped! DON’T GET RAPED!” Boys are allowed to embody the patriarchal heteronormative privileges of doing whatever the hell they want to do, when they want to do and how they want to do. With little concern to whom is on the receiving end of those potentially dangerous activities. If we continue police state parenting for our daughters and ‘boys will be boys’ laissez-faire for our sons we WILL CONTINUE TO LOSE. ”
That blew my mind- the notion that most people who play games are male is just flat wrong.
Gamer girl right here! So the next time someone says sexism in video games doesn’t matter because video games are only played by men*, tell them to shut the FUCK UP.
*I’ve seriously heard this argument before.
Middle-aged women are actually the fastest growing demographic for video games. Farmville and Bejeweled have ushered in a new age of casual gamer. And as more and more women learn how much they like basic video games, a decent amount of them will decide to try PC and console games. (And then a portion of them will end up like me, up too late playing WoW, Diablo, and Tropico. Horde HOLLAAAAA)