(tw for mention of rape, general misogyny)
These are responses to an article about a campaign to prevent rape and sexual harassment on college campuses.
I feel like there’s a need to break stuff down, not for these douchebags, but more like a rant for my own future reference.
“Y U TALKING ABOUT PREVENTING RAPE, PREVENTING FALSE RAPE ACCUSATIONS IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT AND WOMEN GET FREE DRINKS AT BARS AND CAN FUCK ANYONE AND NEVER GET FRIENDZONED AND MEN ARE RAPED TOO AND I WANT MY MOMMY”
no, Mike Hunter, alleged rapists are not zealously prosecuted by law enforcement. Actually the scenario looks a bit more like this:
And here’s the thing about the “False rape accusations” that you care about so much (and why wouldn’t you, it’s the only part of this lame feminist bullshit that applies directly to you). Do you know what’s the feminist stance on false rape accusations? Do you know what is the women’s stance on false rape accusations? We fucking hate them.
Yeah, we hate them. Because being falsely accused of raping someone, like false accusations of stealing, murdering or molesting, can destroy a person’s reputation. And they are usually done with the purpose of destroying someone’s reputation and/or get money. And also, false accusations of rape are one of the things that make it so much harder for women who were actually raped to get justice, and more importantly, to put these rapists in jail, where they can’t rape any more innocent people.
Meanwhile, a lot of people get the death penalty for things that they didn’t do, and I don’t see you getting all worked up about that.
What’s wrong with the process of accusing people of rape, rape trials and whatnot is how they’re conducted. When a woman is raped, they ask what she was wearing, how she was dancing, if she was drinking. The victim is attacked as much as the alleged rapist is, some times even more. And the victim is also attacked by her peers, whom many times are quick to judge her as an attention seeking whore. Mix that with the rape and post traumatic disorder and you have a real life ruiner right there.
What people judge in rape trials: If the woman actually wanted to have sex and is just a lying slut - usually confirmed by the fact that she has many sexual partners, drinks, has fun, dresses provocatively.
What people should be judging in rape trials: The rapist’s past sexual conduct, and general attitude towards women. Showing signs of misogyny, past accusations, past relationships, his character. And the victim’s past in LYING.
Because if a woman had many sexual partners before accusing this man of raping her, this should not make her case weaker. If anything, it should make her case stronger, because duh, look at how many men she had consensual sex with, and never tried accusing them of anything.
Another interesting point that clueless people usually add to conversations, is the fact that women get free drinks in bars, often get in for free in places that charge entrance for men, and, as a friend dearly pointed out to me: “If you stand up at this bar right now and say - who wants to fuck me? - i bet at least 10 guys would raise their hands”.
But here’s the thing. From a privileged white male perspective, getting free drinks and being able to have sex whenever you want are just the cherry on the top of your beautiful cake. It would be literally the last thing you’ll need to make your life perfect. And to women, it makes for a shitty consolation prize for being born and raised as a second class citizen, and it actually increases her chances of getting sexually assaulted or raped. Oh and by the way, the “free drinks” and “10 men raising hands” only count for women who are considered suitably fuckable by strange men and bartenders. You may guess that this is not exactly a fair game for women who don’t resemble the current beauty standard.
And men are raped, too. And their rapes are even less reported, because men feel so much shame in admitting that they suffered this, when they’re supposed to be raised to be strong and invincible. And the fact that men don’t get the same paternity leave as a mother does is unfair. And the fact that children almost automatically are in custody of the mother in cases of divorce is also unfair as fuck. Guess what’s the cause of all of these 3 things being an issue? Your dear patriarchy. The same one that grants you the respect and rights that are denied to women. Because that’s what defines gender roles that make men so afraid to report their rapes and sexual assaults. That’s what defines that the moms are the ones who should care for children and kick you out of your child’s life.
So guess what? We’re on the same side. And if you could only stop whining, you’d realize that.
Relationship and Sexual Violence
When trans women desperately in need of sexual assault or domestic violence services are turned away because their needs are considered less important than the hypothetical discomfort their presence might cause for others, that’s transmisogyny.
When activists encourage people not even to try to fight for trans women’s access to sexual assault and domestic violence services because of the possibility that it could leave trans men unable to access those services, that’s transmisogyny.
When I, personally, sought out support after being abused by my trans male partner and was told by a prominent genderqueer activist that because I’m a trans woman and felt validation in talking with cis women who have experienced abuse, I must have invented the abuse in an attempt to feel more like a woman by having an abusive boyfriend, that’s transmisogyny.
When a trans woman is brave enough to talk openly about surviving childhood violence and experiencing rape, only to be told that her pain is less valid or important than cis women’s experience of sexism, that’s transmisogyny.
When trans women who present femininely or assert a binary identity are blamed for perpetuating binary gender roles, while it’s forgotten that many or even more cis women do the same, that’s transmisogyny. (When cis women who present femininely are also blamed for perpetuating binary gender roles, that’s femmephobia)
When trans women have every aspect of their presentation examined and labeled either hyperfeminine and therefore fake or not feminine enough and therefore male, while the same traits would be seen as normal in cis women, that’s transmisogyny.
When trans masculine spaces allows cis butch women to attend but turn away trans butch women, that’s transmisogyny. (When femme trans men are also turned away from those spaces, that’s femmephobia.)
Politics and Activism
When trans women and transfeminine genderqueers are assumed to be conformist, apolitical, and weak while trans men and transmasculine genderqueers are assumed to be radical, with it, and hip, that’s transmisogyny (and femmephobia, and subversivism).
Specifically, when I present in a butch or genderfuck way and people assume I’m radical, politically knowledgeable and pay attention to me, but when I present femininely I am ignored, that’s transmisogyny (and femmephobia and subversivism).
When trans women are told that they are politically ignorant when they object to trans men “reclaiming” a derogatory term that has been used specifically against trans women and not against trans men, that’s transmisogyny.
When almost every local trans group in my state (and likely a majority in other states) are run by trans men and attended by a significant majority of trans men, yet people still complain about trans women dominating groups and point to inappropriate behavior by Virginia Prince and other transfeminine activists from decades ago as if it’s representative of what’s happening today, that’s transmisogyny.
When there’s only one trans support group in town and it’s for transmale folks only, or only one comprehensive online network to discuss surgery results and it’s for transmale folks only, or only one foundation offering financial help accessing surgery and it’s for transmale folks only, that’s transmisogyny.
When trans women are told that they need to stop being assertive and strong because it is a sign of male privilege - invariably by “feminists” who, of course, encourage cis women to be assertive and strong - that’s transmisogyny.
When trans women are pressured into being silent, rarely offering their opinion, and refusing leadership roles for fear of being seen as male or accused of having male privilege, that’s transmisogyny.
When trans women are afraid to analyze or discuss the role of male privilege in their life because of the way accusations of male privilege have been used as weapons to silence, shame, and misgender trans women, that’s transmisogyny.
When trans women do analyze and discuss the role of male privilege in their lives and come to different conclusions than the dominant cis feminist perspective and are told it is because they simply don’t understand privilege or are ignorant of feminism, that’s transmisogyny.
Community and relationships
When “women and trans” space allows everyone on a transmale spectrum to attend unquestioned (because even if their trans status is not respected, they would still be welcomed as a woman) yet people on a transfemale spectrum are subjected to scrutiny and those who are not “trans enough” are asked to leave, that’s transmisogyny.
When those same “women and trans” spaces, or even the ones that don’t police entrance, are attended by a dozen or so trans men yet zero or only one or two trans women, that’s transmisogyny. (It obviously indicates that they don’t feel welcome, don’t trust the organizers, or weren’t outreached to.)
When queer women’s spaces have trans women inclusive policies, yet any trans women who attend are generally ignored or not included in discussions, that’s transmisogyny.
While it’s true that individual preferences in partners are complicated, when large swaths of queer women’s community exotify trans men or identify as trans-sensual or even “tranny chasers” while being clear that they will not consider trans women as potential partners, that’s transmisogyny (and in some cases, general transphobia or cissexist exotification as well).
When people who are attracted to women and have met only a few trans women announce that they would never date a trans women, that’s transmisogyny. (Think about it, if a white person announced that they’d never date a black woman, especially if they had only met 2-3 black women in their life, we’d name that as being influenced by racism.)
When the main way to diagnose fetishistic transvestitism or autogynophilia is to look for the presence of sexual enjoyment, and trans women who enjoy their sexuality risk being given one of those diagnoses and denied trans related health care, that’s transmisogyny.
When being sexually available to men and not interested in your own sexual gratification is another way to prove that you are not a fetishistic transvestite or autogynophile, that’s transmisogyny.
When doctors encourage target testosterone levels significantly lower than cis women’s average levels requiring high doses of testosterone blockers, and when the most common testosterone blocker reduces sexuality in addition to blocking testosterone, that’s transmisogyny. (When that’s something that trans women are asking for themselves, it’s more complex, but probably still influenced by transmisogyny somewhere.)
^ because i know people are lazy and don’t click on shit. but you should click on shit because ad revenue, obv.
#5. We Were Told That Society Owed Us a Hot Girl.
Does it seem like men feel kind of entitled to sex? Does it seem like we react to rejection with the maturity of a child being denied a toy?
Well, you have to keep in mind that what we learn as kids is really hard to deprogram as an adult. And what we learned as kids is that we males are each owed, and will eventually be awarded, a beautiful woman.
We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered. When the Karate Kid wins the tournament, his prize is a trophy and Elisabeth Shue. Neo saves the world and is awarded Trinity. Marty McFly gets his dream girl, John McClane gets his ex-wife back, Keanu “Speed” Reeves gets Sandra Bullock, Shia LaBeouf gets Megan Fox in Transformers, Iron Man gets Pepper Potts, the hero in Avatar gets the hottest Na’vi, Shrek gets Fiona, Bill Murray gets Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters, Frodo gets Sam, WALL-E gets EVE … and so on.
Hell, at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman, Richard Gere walks into the lady’s workplace and just carries her out like he’s picking up a suit at the dry cleaner.
And then we have Star Wars, where Luke starts out getting Princess Leia (in The Empire Strikes Back), but then as Han Solo became a fan favorite, George Lucas realized he had to award her to him instead (forcing him to write the “She’s secretly Luke’s sister” thing into Return of the Jedi, even though it meant adding the weird incest vibe to Empire). With Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling played with the convention by having the beautiful girl get awarded to the sidekick character Ron, but she made it a central conflict in the story that Ron is constantly worried that, since Harry is the main character, Hermione will be awarded to him instead.
In each case, the woman has no say in this — compatibility doesn’t matter, prior relationships don’t matter, nothing else factors in. If the hero accomplishes his goals, he is awarded his favorite female. Yes, there will be dialogue that maybe makes it sound like the woman is having doubts, and she will make noises like she is making the decision on her own. But we, as the audience, know that in the end the hero will “get the girl,” just as we know that at the end of the month we’re going to “get our paycheck.” Failure to award either is breaking a societal contract. The girl can say what she wants, but we all know that at the end, she will wind up with the hero, whether she knows it or not.
And now you see the problem. From birth we’re taught that we’re owed a beautiful girl. We all think of ourselves as the hero of our own story, and we all (whether we admit it or not) think we’re heroes for just getting through our day.
So it’s very frustrating, and I mean frustrating to the point of violence, when we don’t get what we’re owed. A contract has been broken. These women, by exercising their own choices, are denying it to us. It’s why every Nice Guy is shocked to find that buying gifts for a girl and doing her favors won’t win him sex. It’s why we go to “slut” and “whore” as our default insults — we’re not mad that women enjoy sex. We’re mad that women are distributing to other people the sex that they owed us.
Yes, the women in these stories are being portrayed as wonderful and beautiful and perfect. But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.
This helps explain some of Nice Guy Syndrome. “I opened a door for a girl and smiled at her, where is my fucking sex reward?!?! Those bitches only dating assholes!”
over a 20-year period, asking some 2,000 men in college questions like this: “Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone, even though they did not want to, because they were too intoxicated [on alcohol or drugs] to resist your sexual advances?”, or “Have you ever had sexual intercourse with an adult when they didn’t want to because you used physical force [twisting their arm, holding them down, etc.] if they didn’t cooperate?”
About 1 in 16 men answered “yes” to these or similar questions.”
1 in sixteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen are you kidding me
if we got 1 in 16 motherfuckers admitting to raping women on college campuses and are “very forthcoming. In fact, they are eager to talk about their experience”, you better fucking believe tossing out your short skirt and staying in at night isn’t going to keep you safe.
In a survey of 11-14 year-old boys…
…aaand in a survey of college males…
…and in another…
really? how does this not make me even more scared? fuck
reblogging for commentary
This is what happens when I have no assignments over the weekend…
The pink tabs are for murder, purple for human or animal sacrifice, blue for rape, yellow for slavery and green for misogyny.
I’d like to raise both of my middle fingers to him and anyone who thinks profanity is somehow more harmful to our children than images of violence and misogyny. ”
M.I.A. (via janejacqueline)
m.i.a. is perfection embodied
100% babe status
And I’m not gonna reblog it because fuck that shitstain I don’t feel like talking directly to him, I’d make more headway talking to my toothbrush
But the post was a question asking “if Chris Brown had beaten up a man three years ago, would anyone still care?” tagged with, among other things, “misandry” and “hypocrisy”
And wow so I have a lot of (sad, angry) feelings about that bullshit question, about the very idea that women, especially women of color, especially when they’re victims of abuse, enjoy some privileged position in society. And that they have that privilege because sometimes people remember that they were abused and get kinda mad at the abuser (but he’s still able to be famous and celebrated and win awards). But instead of talking about that, I’m actually going to talk about that eternal question on the lips of angry deluded men everywhere: what about the men?
Yeah so, what about them? Specifically, what about the men and boys who are victims of abuse? You hear them mentioned, briefly, by a lot of men ranting about women but then, hmm, anyway, onto my next bullet point about feminazis and misandry…
I’m not the first person to point this out, but the whole reason we have things like battered women’s shelters and resources for female abuse victims is because women saw a need for them and created them. Women were, and are, and will be, beaten, raped, and killed. And some other women, many of whom had been beaten and raped themselves, said “fuck this” and made spaces for other women like them. These resources didn’t just appear out of nowhere. People who cared about abuse victims created them.
And that’s the thing, that caring about other victims. Because for all the hue and cry raised by the Rykings and AmazingAtheists and other angry MRAs of the world, they don’t seem to really do much in the way of creating spaces and resources for male victims. And hey, it’s not their job, no one’s saying they have to. But clearly you see this lack, and clearly you (claim to) care a lot about it so hey, maybe instead of being mad at women for sometimes having the nerve to be paid attention to or have someplace to go if they get beaten up you could, I don’t know, start helping men?
And I really just cannot with this claim that feminists/women in general don’t care about male victims. As a female abuse survivor who has known and cared about and loved numerous men and boys who have been victims of many kinds of abuse, fuck you, from the bottom of my heart, if you think I don’t care about male victims. And I say this as someone who has, let’s say, a not very kind opinion of men as a whole. The men who bring this claim up do not give two shits about any victim, female or male, they just want to score woman-hating points. No matter my opinion of men in general, I feel a kinship or connection or whatever you want to call it with fellow survivors, and it is fucking disgusting and shameful to just bring up their existence as an argumentative point to bash women. These are real people, real men and boys, who have gone through real pain, and you’re just bringing them up, bringing that pain and suffering and abuse up, for half a second as some sort of “checkmate, feminazi” argument that makes sense only to your sick mind. You don’t give two shits about actually doing anything for them, about addressing the specific social structures that affect men and boys who have been beaten or molested or raped, you’re just glad they’re there for you to mention while you’re railing against women for daring to have things like shelters and rape crisis centers. And that makes you fucking disgusting.
A woman taking charge of her own sexuality is scary for the misogynist men, because they don’t see women as people but as property, that’s why you often hear them say things like “they are stealing our women” they don’t recognize women as self thinking individuals in society, and misogynist men are insecure assholes who really think that its their mission in life to control women, so when they see a woman that is secure and don’t need their validation to feel good, their insecurities grow and they harass and try to put down the woman, but all they really show is their own insecurity. So next time somebody calls you a slut, or any sexist comments remember they are just small insecure assholes, so don’t listen to them, because their insecurity is not worth your time, and all it really means is that you are a strong and independent woman!!!
I know what you’re thinking. “Are you fucking kidding me?” No, I’m not. This is an actual tag found on an Enjoi brand sweater in PacSun. What is it about advertising that makes sexism seem like a good marketing campaign? I’ll never be sure. This is part of the problem. This is part of the underlying menace that is stereotypical gender roles. These subtle messages are what allow misogynistic comments and jokes to be made. We all saw Dr. Pepper’s latest marketing campaign - “Not For Women.” It’s these small things we see every day, everywhere, that remind us that we’re far from equality. Frankly, I’m tired of living in a world where advertisers think they need sexism to sell their products.