Made Rebloggable upon Request

Anon: In one of my classes a prof was talking about how the US has a rape culture in part because sex is so closely associated with violence. The class was pretty powerful and got me thinking; is there something wrong with rough sex and/or rape fantasies? It almost seems like another voluntary association between violence and sex, something I consciously want to help fix in our society.

Answer: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with rough sex, BDSM, S&M, or rape fantasies/ravishment play. Rape culture isn’t just about how sex is closely related to violence, it’s the way we treat sex as something dirty that women aren’t supposed to want. The way the patriarchy says that men are sex fiends and women just should put up with sex. The way we start forcing our children to go through unwanted contact that teaches them young that their bodies aren’t their own. The way we victim blame because women aren’t supposed to be sexual and men aren’t supposed to be able to be abused. The way people think that it’s common for people to lie about rape, when really what is common is for rape to go unreported because they know that their abuser probably isn’t going to go to jail (especially if he’s white and/or a person of power). It’s also in the way we make sex and especially sex out of the “norm” into something dirty and we’re supposed to just lock our urges away until someday we come across someone who’d make the perfect victim. Rape isn’t about sex. It’s about power. The fact that we teach that men are supposed to be powerful and supposed to get everything they want through that, and if they don’t have enough power they are failures. That’s what causes rape. Fantasies, acted out in a safe environment where the submissive person has all the power is in no way related to rape, abuse, or rape culture.

2.23.12. sex,rape culure,